I haven’t known what to say for the last few days because i’m angry. And while i don’t see anger as either negative or positive in and of itself, i see a world that is so full of the consequences of people not knowing how to appropriately express and act on their own, that i don’t want to contribute to the already fractious fray.

Ah, but i’ve tried to write and nothing comes but stilted, hitching bullshit that always works its way ’round to how angry i am. I don’t want this blog to be filled with fluffy bunnies and cupcakes (okay, i kinda do), nor do i want anyone to leave this page carrying a heavier burden than that which they’d brought (although that may still happen). I want this place to just be me. I could have been doing good things; helping others, easing pain, building people up, contributing positively in small ways and maybe even bigger ones… But i wasn’t able to, and that’s just the way it is. Now though…

Now i see an opportunity to do something good. It’s fairly simple and it starts out benefiting me and it may be of help to others, which is what i’ve always wanted to do with my life. All i have to do is take all the various words and voices floating around in my head, and put them up on this screen. I do this to show you and me both, how we are not the same and yet we are. So that you might see that the journey towards knowing oneself and living the life one wishes to live is possible. And particularly for those whose brains have been altered by nature or nurture (or both) like mine, to see that there is a place in the world for us. With some tinkering with boundaries and parameters and definitions, this may be possible for us, as well.

Hey, i already feel calmer and less pissed off. Huh. It didn’t work the last couple of days i tried, but it seems to be today. I’m not sure what’ll happen if i get into the things that i’ve been finding so upsetting, but let’s see.

You know what? No.

I’m listening to some calming music (the band’s called OM, if you’re curious), the sun is up and not yet hot upon the ground, my front door’s open and i write where i can see the big tree in front of our Little Crooked House and the birds are chirping happily after a good breakfast. My 2 little dogs are laying on my me and my big one is at my feet. The husband and my last teenager are sleeping in and i’m gonna get started on some sort of epic morning meal.

Maybe i’ll be back later, needing to vent, maybe not, but it’s gone for now and it doesn’t feel right to force it up and out. I dunno for sure, but i’m just gonna go with what i’ve got for now.

You have whatever sort of day you want to, and i’ll do the same.

 

Love and Peace To All,

~H~

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