The tone of this piece is very light but slightly dark

Let me explain:
I’m going to be poking fun at myself; cracking jokes at my own expense. This is not self-flagellation. This is who i am, this is one of the major reasons i survived this long. I laugh. I laugh a lot. I laugh every. single. day. I can laugh at anything. Some people find that abhorrent, but for me, it is life affirming and sustaining. If you do not love or understand dark humour, you may want to skip this one.

Being Dissociative Means

-talking about myself in the third person isn’t necessarily pretentious;
-properly introducing myself takes more time than either of us have;
-your secrets are safe with me because i keep them in an impenetrable vault (really);
-if you were choosing whether to work for the Secret Service or be my friend, choose the former, their vetting process is easier all-around;
-i can multitask like Hydra on cocaine (unless i’m currently manic or actually on cocaine, heh);
-sometimes my body takes up a lot more space than i think it does, and it’s a little like an episode of Laverne&Shirley in one body;
-just because you saw me do it doesn’t mean i did it;
-i am the coolest person in a crisis, seriously, you want me there;
-if you don’t like me the first time we meet, give it a couple more tries, ’cause you might yet;
-the reverse also applies;
-no, that’s not bad acting, that’s just my crazy* showing;
-the one thing i never am is boring;
-my husband is a polygamist;
-i’m heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual;
-sometimes my makeup looks like a 5yr old applied it – well, kinda…
-you never want to see my rage mode;
-i’m a natural at cold reading, my teachers once shut my fortune telling booth down at the Penny Arcade because i freaked them all out;
-talking to myself is some next level shit;
-i am the queen of compartmentalisation;
-i’m not a snob, i’ve honestly never met you before;
-i’m not high or drunk, that’s my personality, man…

*Yes, i call myself crazy. I’m careful using that word around others, but i am not only fine with the word being applied to me, i kinda like it. I’m more than happy to refer to you however you’d like me to. As for me, i don’t much care about labels, but i understand that some people do.

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2 thoughts on “A Monday Minute

  1. Fantastic one liners!
    This part of you I remember …I think. The irreverent sense of humour and love of laughter. I miss you my friend

    Like

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